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Aboot Too Close to Vomit:

a band of little bitches


Too Close to Vomit is an AMAZING band from Brooklyn, NY. They are a DIY, punk-infused, rock-n-roll explosion making bunch of bitches who take Link Wray and Weird al and make them kiss in the dark. If anything happens to Too Close to Vomit that prevents them from performing, the world will be devistated and probably explode. Hence they are usually surrounded by beefy security guards and drones with lasers pointed at all nearby doorways. Beware: this band will knock yr socks off, so you'd better make extra socks.

The recordings and songs are the brainchild of one magnificent human being known on these pages as Lord On-Time Machine, but elsewhere as someone else. He hails of Providence, Rhode Island origans but has lived in Brooklyn for many, many, many years. The recordings you hear typically feature him playing drums, bass, guitar and whatever else using a revolutionary recording process known as "overdubbing."

Where do the songs come from? We are glas you asked. We have no idea! The Lord says that he doesn't write songs on purpose. They typaccly just appear while he sitting in a bus station or something. The lyrics come first. Then he works out a drum groove to fit nicely with the lyrics. Then a bassline is constructed to fit oiver that groove. Then the lyrics are sung. Then the guitar is worked out.

Lord On-Time machine was trained as a drummer as a teenager, but stopped playing when he began living in apartments, and generally forgot how to play. He picked up bass then and has gotten pretty good at it, though he has no idea what he is doing and can only play his own songs. But hence the bass and drums come pretty quickly. But he is not a guitarist and that is the hard part. It typaclly take a week or more to finish the guitar part and that is the slowest part of the process. He doesn't know keyboard either but it is pretty fuckin' easy.

Hence the music is driven by bass and this is one of the things that make Too Close to Vomit's music unique. Studys show that songs with catchy basslines are better than soings without them. You may noitice the guitar and lyrics immediately. But when you go back, you may notice, hey!, that fuckin' bassline. The drums drive a bit tooi, I guess. Whatever. Who knows.

This approach works well on record and for composition but doesn't work live for some reason. Once, Mr. Machine was at a gig and brought his guitar and nothing else. The audience was made of friends of the band on before him, and he feared they would all leave as soon as they finished. So as soon as they were done, he got on stage, told them to stay, and proceeded with his songs. The audience went wild, and this became his standard way of touring. It was inspired by Chuck Berry who demanded the venue provide his bands, whom he never met. Lord On-Time Machine's songs were mostly in A and changes were minimal if there were any, and he eliminated more comoplicated part. He switched to bass because he found the bass player is the person that has to know the songs, and as long as he locked in with a drummer, it didn't really matter what anyone else played. People would just dance. Regular musicians appeared in different cities. It kept the concerts interesting even while playing the same songs night after night. And he learned to vamp for long operiods to let the musicans really get comfortable and explore the song.

This approach worked for many years, but Lord On-Time Machine has outgrown it recent years. For some reason he has become obcessed with practicing. And he spends so much time on the guitar parts, yet live, they were thrown away for whatever the guitarist that night felt like. Hence the focus these days is on tightening up and finding musicians willing to practice a lot and go on tour. There is still an improvasional nature, and guests are frequently invited to sit it. But hence if you are reading us and would like to joing our group let us know.

The End


Freakishly Asked ?s
and the mysterians


Hey man. Does the name mean you are dangerously close to vomiting, or standing too close to a pool of vomit on the ground, or what?

It means whatever Too Close to Comfort means. That's where the name is comes from, an OK 1980s sitcom starring Ted Knight and Jim J. Bullock. We like paying homage to mediocre things, like Mrs. Doubtfire. We find it to be more fun than worshipping great things. The meaning of Too Close for Comfort is that we are uncomfortable because we are too close. Wether that means physical or emotional closeness is not known. Too Close to Vomit means we have to vomit but not while we are so close together so we are holding it back., maybe to be polite, maybe because we are self-concious about our vomit's shape, size or smell. Is it good enough? Whatever. We like the ambiguousness of it, like They Might be Giants. Who might be giants? Too Close to Vomit might be. Thankfully we are holding back.

Do you have any other questions?

Not at this time.

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